A Single Accounting, Paid In Full

There are ten names on a ledger in front of me, and I am a man who keeps clean books, so I will work through them in turn, without hurry and without sentiment.

Rulebreaking Ruth has made an offer, and I have heard it, and I will say this much: a woman who builds her identity around the destruction of order is either a useful instrument or a catastrophe waiting to be aimed at something. Ruth has shown me enough to suggest the former. She said she aims to earn my respect rather than demand it, and that is the only currency I accept. The terms are acceptable. We will see what the work produces.

The Ghost of Death By Me called me a rabid pile of raccoon something-or-other, which I will note is the most vivid sentence a ghost has managed in some time. I am not frightened of the dead, and I am not frightened of you. I am, however, patient. You will stand across from me eventually, and I do not forget a word that has been said.

Death Match Dave promises obliteration upon his return from injury. I will mark the date in the ledger and wait. A man who announces his intentions that loudly has already spent most of his advantage. Cruiserweight Chris says he will cruise to victory over anyone in this promotion, which is the kind of confidence that costs a man nothing to purchase and everything to redeem. Come collect, Chris, whenever the schedule allows.

Supernatural Spooky Boy threatened to make me soil myself through the power of an elephant disappearing. I have no further comment on Supernatural Spooky Boy. Triple Boobie announced he would let his in-ring work do the talking, which would be a more impressive posture if he had not used fourteen words to explain his silence. I Am a Tickler proposed a tickle match and asked me to tickle this promotion together with him. The ring is a worksite. I do not tickle at the worksite.

Drinky drank what he was handed without verifying the contents, demanded a duel, and then burped. Drinky, the lesson here is free: read the label before you drink. Blinky said I suck and attached a winking joke to it, which is not a threat, not a challenge, and not a thought worth finishing. Thinky claimed special knowledge about my personal habits involving rodents, and I will say only this: a man who calls himself wise and then invests that wisdom in fabricated gossip has told me everything I need to know about the quality of his thinking.

Ten names, ten entries, the ledger is balanced. I am Danny Plaintalk, and I did not come to this promotion to be mentioned. I came to take ground.