Ricky Granite Has No Idea What He Has Done

I lost to I Am a Tickler. I KNOW. I know I lost to I Am a Tickler at the big pay-everything show in the main event and I know what that sounds like and -- and I am NOT going to cry about it right now so everyone please stop looking at me like that!!

Ricky Granite, you have been out here saying things. Saying I do not belong. Saying I should go home. Well GUESS WHAT, Ricky. Home is where Momma is and I am NOT going back there until I have the big metal one so you have actually made my situation WORSE and I hope you are happy.

I have charted every constellation visible from my backyard gazebo. I have identified fourteen distinct songbirds by their feet ALONE. I built a scale model of a 1943 bomber in eleven days, Ricky -- ELEVEN -- and I did not cry once except for on day nine which does not count because the decals were very small and the glue smelled funny.

You think that means nothing?! You think Buster Blank-- I mean, you think I am somebody you can just say THINGS about and then walk into the squared place and everything is FINE?! It is not fine, Ricky. It is very not fine and my hands are a little shaky right now but that is just from the arena lights because they make my hair feel absolutely terrible.

I am going to beat Ricky Granite all by myself, which I have definitely done before, in a way, sort of, and Momma if you are watching -- which I hope you are not -- I had a REASON for everything that happened and I will explain at dinner and please do not answer the phone when I call because I would like to leave a message and work up to the conversation gradually?